Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
