We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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