drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
