Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
