Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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