she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You don't make any sense
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