do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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