my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
