oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
