Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
