apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
