good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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