I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
