I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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