dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he puts the penis in happiness.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
