wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
