Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
