I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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