Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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