New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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