look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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