i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
