Don't you send me to vm
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
