Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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