Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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