he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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