You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
