Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
