we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
