I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
