All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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