I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They took my balls.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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