is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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