Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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