Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
