well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
