Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
