It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
