tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So many bounce houses so little time
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
