I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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