A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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