I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
