The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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