She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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