Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
