I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
