So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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