You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
