My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
