I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
