there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
