So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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