And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
