is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
