I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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